Photo: @jennababin, WNYC)

Picture yourself spice shopping with Padma Lakshmi and joking about how NYU’s Greenwich Village expansion plan is like a dose of cayenne to the eyes. Picture yourself getting private acting lessons from Philip Seymour Hoffman and saying, “Hey, do the ‘pigfuck’ line and I’ll pretend I’m John Sexton!” Picture yourself lunching with Bill Moyers, Fran Lebowitz or Lewis Lapham and keeping your hour and a half of conversation tightly focused on just how disastrous it would be if NYU added about 2 million square feet of new construction to two Greenwich Village superblocks, because, let’s face it, you’re too terrified to talk about anything else with them.

All of this could be yours thanks to a new silent auction that NYU Faculty Against the Sexton Plan is putting on. (The reserve for each: just $2,500!)

That’s right, Cooper Union isn’t the only school where in-fighting is running rampant and the little guy is asking for outside help. FASP has enlisted Padma Lakshmi (last seen in court supporting a lawsuit against the expansion), Fran Lebowitz (last seen at a penthouse fundraiser) and a slew of other big-name bohemians for the auction, which will run online from Dec. 9 to 18. Here are just some the items you could win, with proceeds going toward FASP’s continuing efforts:

  • a basketball game with John Leguizamo
  • an uncorrected galley of Art Spiegelman’s Maus, Vol.1
  • a photograph of William S. Burroughs by Gary Indiana
  • a manuscript page from Philip Glass ($2,000 reserve)
  • signed books by E.L. Doctorow, Junot Diaz, Zadie Smith, Eric Bogosian, and others
  • one of Philip Levine’s fountain pens
  • a signed personal photo by Matthew Modine, who in a statement calls NYU a “power hungry, land grabbing, politician buying, bullying Scrooge.”

Asked if all of these folks are supporters of the cause, a FASP rep responded, “Each and every one. We did not use one of those auction places where they solicit the offerings and celebs. Each one was asked by NYUFASP – and they responded really well, as you can see. And, truth is, we are STILL getting contributions – just got one from Sarandon this morning.”

Road trip to Mexico?