Just in time for Halloween, it’s Williamsburg’s worst nightmare. We’re told Ralph Lauren’s Double RL & Co will open Friday morning at 85 North 3rd Street, right next to the new Steven Alan Optical store and just around the corner from the new J.Crew store, and the new Urban Outfitters, and the new Madewell, and the new (and now boozed-up!) Starbucks. Soon the neighborhood will be called Williamsburg Mills.

What, you thought that new DIY comedy venue meant there was hope for Billyburg? Sorry doodz, it only gets worse: if you saw Steve Jobs: Man in the Machine or just plain Steve Jobs and were horrified by the (albeit Sorkinized bastardization of) the guy responsible for all those dead charging cords clumped up in your drawer like a hairball of Tim Cook’s pubes, you’ll be dismayed to see that the Apple store is making swift progress. Bwahahaha [lightning strikes].


And here’s how the Whole Foods is looking.


Sorry Guillermo, the site of this behemoth towering about Bedford Avenue is way scarier than Crimson Peak.