Tim and Eric really put the “cult” in “cult favorites” last night at Wallplay. The creators of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! and Bedtime Stories drew a nearly two-block-long line of over 300 people to an “interactive healing event” at Wallplay. Okay, so it was really just a reading and singing of their new book Tim and Eric’s Zone Theory: 7 Steps to Achieve a Perfect Life, but there was definitely something life-affirming about watching the former “Beaver Boys” roll up to the corner of Orchard and Delancey in a white limo, step out in white suits befitting their new status as Zone ministers, and preach the importance of an all-white diet.
Look at yourself in this Zone Theory mirror and say “I am trash. I am a Discard.”
And to be fair, after a quick hymn invoking Ba’hee Nodaramoo Priss Dimmie (the “turkey man” who inspired Zone Theory), there was an attempt at one-on-one healing.
“Josh, how much money do you have in your bank account?” Eric “Sharm” Wareheim asked a lowly “discard” (anyone who isn’t Zone Certified).
He surprised them: “$20,000, maybe.”
“You are ready for Zone Plane 8,” Tim “Nagrume” Heidecker quickly declared. “There’s a little secret here, you find out at the end of the book, all you need is 20 grand.”
Okay, so Zone Theory is a little bit dubious. After we skimmed the book earlier this week, we weren’t entirely sold on its advocacy of adult horseplay at Nude Recreation Centers, or its instance that refurbishing batteries and selling O-shaped sandwiches can make you rich.
Zone Theory cups at Wallplay’s coffee and tea bar. (Photo: Daniel Maurer)
But still, Nagrume Heidecker assured everyone sitting on the floor last night that the book would “help you guys live a better, healthier, safer, happier life. At least, the men in the room.” Women were instructed to cover their eyes.
“The major problem we were dealing with,” Sharm Wareheim confessed, “is Tim and I go to Burger King for breakfast every morning and we noticed there’s a lot of trash people… who work the counters of Burger King. We ask for the same thing every morning, a sausage croissant. And every morning he says, ‘What would you guys like?’ and we’re just blown away by his level of intelligence. So, we wrote this book to try to elevate everyone’s thinking.”
Even after last night’s event it was unclear how “decoding your diarrhea” amounts to elevated thinking, but that didn’t stop Sharm and Nagrume from leading their new followers in this hymn.
The (subliminal?) video installations you see throughout this post will remain up at Wallplay this week, as will the giant billboard below. So stop by 118 Orchard Street and drink the Kool-Aid matcha soda.
