LISA'S CHOICE: Grand Prize Trophy for The Person Who Is Better Thank Everyone Here  Photo: Phil Buehler

Grand Prize Trophy for The Person Who Is Better Than Everyone Here (Photo: Phil Buehler)

These days, kids get a trophy just for showing up, so why shouldn’t we? At this month’s Lisa’s Choice Awards at the Pine Box Rock Shopeveryone goes home a winner, no matter how unexceptional, boring, untalented or otherwise crappy they may be! Attendees are invited to do anything they’re proud of (dance, sing, tell jokes, breathe, gaze around the room awkwardly, eat an empanada) at which point they’re awarded a FREE certificate and the guarantee of a boost in self-esteem. And if you’re really feeling shitty about yourself, you can go ahead and shell out between $140 and $400 for a personalized mirrored trophy. What could possibly bring you more self-fulfillment?

The awards are hosted not by Stuart Smalley but by , a “Self-Proclaimed” psychotherapist best known for her Bushwick Open Studios stunts (performing live therapy, dressing up as Mom and letting strangers sit in her lap for unconditional love). This particular event, Feb. 28 from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m., is in conjunction with her Auxiliary Projects show, Everyone Loves A Winner.

She certainly sounds qualified to host her own awards ceremony (or, at the very least, she would probably proclaim herself to be qualified). One lucky attendee will even walk away with the grand prize, on account of being “The Person Who Is Better Than Everyone Else Here,” which, in a room full of people who need a $400 boost in self-esteem, probably isn’t saying much.