Grand Prize Trophy for The Person Who Is Better Than Everyone Here (Photo: Phil Buehler)

These days, kids get a trophy just for showing up, so why shouldn’t we? At this month’s Lisa’s Choice Awards at the Pine Box Rock Shop, everyone goes home a winner, no matter how unexceptional, boring, untalented or otherwise crappy they may be! Attendees are invited to do anything they’re proud of (dance, sing, tell jokes, breathe, gaze around the room awkwardly, eat an empanada) at which point they’re awarded a FREE certificate and the guarantee of a boost in self-esteem. And if you’re really feeling shitty about yourself, you can go ahead and shell out between $140 and $400 for a personalized mirrored trophy. What could possibly bring you more self-fulfillment?
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