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Oh hey, here’s the roofdeck of Jupiter 21, the luxury building, opening July 15, where a TD Bank will replace the former Mars Bar on the ground floor. There’s no pool up here, but a sales rep told us the deck will eventually feature “misting stations” and outdoors showers — because why would anyone want to sunbathe by the wet bar and be all gross when they get back to their $3,475 studio?

According to the selling materials and website, other amenities at Jupiter 21 include an outdoor screening area and a communal garden (see photo in our slideshow — not exactly the Liz Christy Garden). The model apartment we were shown (which we weren’t permitted to photograph) featured a tiny dishwasher cleverly hidden inside the “contemporary European-style cabinetry,” a closet with washer and dryer, and a lovely view of NoHo.

The Jupiter 21 filter on Instagram.

The Jupiter 21 filter on Instagram.

Wait, NoHo? That’s right, the selling pamphlet says the building is “located in NOHO, surrounded by boutique shopping and chic, gourmet groceries,” and describes the “address’ posh neighborhood” as a “retail mecca for more than a century.” And by retail, they don’t mean Jerry the Peddler over on Avenue A.

We don’t need to open this PDF to know NoHo doesn’t stretch east of Bowery. True, the building is located just north of Houston Street, at East First Street and Second Avenue, but it’d probably be more accurate to describe its location as NoHoEaoNoHo (North of Houston but East of NoHo).

Come to think of it, this sounds like the type of thing they used to rant about at Mars Bar. Sniff.