girls_ep9_marnie_g_mp_576
Is Marnie Michaels embracing her unsolicited Internet fame? Tonight at 6 p.m. Girls star Allison Williams will be at Soho’s Apple Store to promote season three. On everyone’s mind: Marnie’s music video, which debuted in Sunday’s episode. If we know Marnie Marie Michaels, she’ll be giving some sort of small-scale TED Talk. A title has not been announced, but we took a few guesses.

Have a Pleasurable Office Party
Has an art world celebrity ever revealed that your future holds scary-good sex? Marnie will show you how to build the right outfit for mingling with colleagues and getting yourself off in the bathroom (take note: both require good posture).

How to Seduce a Homosexual
Some say it’s impossible to turn a gay guy straight. Not Marnie. She’ll reveal her secret for choosing the right gay (you’ll have better luck if he once banged your best friend) and setting realistic intercourse goals.

GarageBand for Rap Fans on a Deadline 
Time is running out for you to lay down that acoustic track of Kanye West’s “Stronger.” With Marnie’s advice you’ll be able to sweet talk any hapless coffee-shop manager into providing assistance. Also, tips for a public serenade guaranteed to turn your off-again into your on-again.

The Future of Little Brown Babies in This White Girl Universe
You’ve just broken a racial barrier by confessing your desire to procreate with your minority boyfriend (at least, you think he’s minority). Even if you guys split, you can still be the Angelina Jolie of Brooklyn. Marnie will share her spreadsheet of bars categorized by their lack of white people.

YouTube Hacking For Hacks
What happens when your ex posts a music video of you cooing Edie Brickell and making embarrassing come-hither looks? Marnie will teach you how to cut through the red tape and get a YouTube hotline rep (bet you didn’t know there was such a thing) to take it down before it goes viral (hint: having Brian Williams for a dad helps).

Apple Store Soho, 103 Prince St., nr. Greene St.; 212-226-3126; free with RSVP