(Flyer by Nikholis Planck)

This is officially the season where all these people who describe themselves as your friends keep calling (on the actual phone, wtf), beckoning you to join them for some really screwed up stuff like BBQs and Beach Bus Excursions. Whatever happened to text messages? Hiding in your apartment for days on end? Unfortunately during summer, such creature comforts are regarded as anti-social, perhaps even dangerous. But if you can make it to these two events, we promise you’ll have a whole heap of excuses to avoid person-on-person contact for the next few months or perhaps even longer, plenty of time for your friends to wrap up their molly bender and quit being so creepy. Reading materials will save you yet.

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