(Courtesy of High Line Hotel)

If you thought it couldn’t get more ostentatious than that time the Royalton Hotel offered up the services of a “wood sommelier,” you were wrong. The High Line Hotel is now offering “pumpkin service.”
Yep, that’s right. Instead of buying a pumpkin at a bodega and carving it yourself like a lowly plebe, you can conscript a master pumpkin carver while kicking back with a bottle of champagne. The “Pumpkin Service, Bottle Service” experience costs just $125, or the price of about 25 Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

The artisanal gourd gouger in question is Brent Heuser, a self-described “actor singer dancer songwriter all around jokester and pumpkin carver” who has carved portraits of everyone from RuPaul to Lady Gaga (for her album release party, no less) to fellow bladesman Edward Scissorhands. He’s even made a Guns-N-Roses-themed Slash-o-lantern. Basically, this guy is to pumpkins what Brooklyn barista Michael Breach is to lattes. I haven’t seen his reviews, but I’m sure they’re glowing.

Starting this week and throughout the month, he’ll be at the ready every Thursday and Friday, from 6:30pm to 9:30pm. Just book a 45-minute slot during which he’ll carve most anything you please (yes, even Satan in utero) while you enjoy a 750 ml bottle of Veuve Clicquot Brut Yellow Label NV on the hotel’s front patio. That same bottle goes for about $47 at Astor Wine & Spirits. When you consider that you’re also commissioning an original work of art, the markup isn’t all that bad by NYC restaurant standards. Even if this particular artwork will eventually rot into a fetid pulp.
So, why not? Have Heuser do a portrait of your costumed chihuahua (he’ll also be at the hotel’s Halloween Dog Parade on Oct. 28) or just have him carve the word PATRIARCHY into a pumpkin so you can smash it.