The eclipse is finally upon us, and if you’re familiar with Rule 34 of astronomy you won’t be surprised to hear that many people on Craigslist have been looking for a “total eclipse of the cock” (yep, that’s a direct quote). But in addition to the mere trend-riders who plan to be stuck in a glory hole during the eclipse, there are some genuine enthusiasts in the Casual Encounters section who actually want to experience 69-percent totality. And they’re looking for others who like a good mooning.
For instance, a “30s hipster” in the East Village wanted an “eclipse hottie” to come over to his place for a viewing. No mention of whether his apartment has a roof deck, but his build is “athletic.” That post has been deleted, but there are still plenty of other options.
A Queens man “wants to watch the eclipse at the beach, then get naked & have lots of kinky sexual fun.” (warning: dick pic).
This 35-year-old “cute guy” planned to pick up some “Tina” (a popular name for meth) in the city and take a ride out to South Hampton to maybe watch the eclipse– party favors on him.
This professional photographer is also driving somewhere (he doesn’t say where) to see nature’s splendor– if you’re a “pretty lady,” he promises he’s a safe driver.
The idea that women are more fertile during an eclipse is just a myth, but that isn’t stopping this guy from offering his services to “a young woman [under 30 and cute] that just wants to be pregnant and [has] no interest in the father staying around.”
Finally, if you’re reading this after the big event, know that a “40-year-old professional Asian” is hosting an “eclipse orgy” at a Manhattan hotel tonight. It’ll be a “once in a lifetime eclipse experience.”
Should you answer any of these ads, remember to use protection. Eclipse glasses are going for $50 in the For Sale section.