Valentine’s Day is a beautiful, beloved celebration of life-affirming romance and no one would dare say otherwise, right? Well, get this: A group of Manhattan strip clubs are going out on the edge and totally thumbing their noses at this time-honored tradition by throwing an “Anti-Valentine’s Day” party. Talk about tipping sacred cows!
A surprising press release reveals that Flashdancers, Private Eyes and New York Dolls are “hopefully attracting the scores of single, unattached New Yorkers” by basically spitting on the grave of Saint Valentine.
I can see why a strip club would want to attract single, unattached men. For a small business owner, it’s a challenge to reach this demographic merely by offering bare-breasted motorboating and spooge-inducing frottage. Sometimes you have to get creative and come up with a clever theme. But stooping so low as to decorate your dry-hump palace with “fractured hearts and other anti-love motifs”?? What if someone strolls into New York Dolls hoping to be struck by Cupid’s arrow– only to find out he has zero chance of courting a beau? Valentine’s Day, ruined!
“We believe there are countless New Yorkers who would jump at the chance to celebrate at a party that eschews the romantic inclinations of the day,” a spokesperson says in a statement. And maybe he’s right: There probably are men out there right now thinking, “I want to eschew romance, but where do I turn? I could go to a strip club and have my crotch used as an ass trampoline, but I won’t feel truly at home at a teeming flesh bazaar until they take a stance on Valentine’s Day.” But is this really a reason to descend into nihilism and say that you are Anti Valentine’s? Flashdancers, once you say that, you can’t take it back.
I don’t know about you, but I’m very saddened by this, and I fear it may be the start of a trend of anti-Valentine’s parties. If a strip club can get away with doing this, what’s next? A too-cool-for-school Williamsburg restaurant serving something other than turkey for Thanksgiving? Let’s not let this become a thing, people. If you’re planning to spend this special day at a jiggle joint, I suggest you do so at one that has a little respect for love and romance. Maybe Pumps.