If you were among the thousands who gathered outside of Webster Hall this morning for a surprise Kanye West show that never happened, and if you were among those who stalked Kanye through the streets of the East Village to no avail, and especially if you were the guy who broke some poor dude’s windshield, you probably woke up feeling pretty empty inside. How to remedy that? With
deep introspection and maybe some community service ice cream, of course! Luckily, it’s the second annual #KanyeIceCreamWeek, which means you can start the cycle of masochism all over again at Morgenstern’s Finest Ice Cream.
When I passed by the Lower East Side scoop shop this afternoon at 2:55 p.m., about 26 people were in line for the 11 new Yeezus-themed menu items created for the collaboration with First We Feast. I figured, hey, why not keep the Kanye party going. How long could this take? Whelp, nearly half an hour later I was placing my order, and 20 minutes after that, I was picking up my Panda Cone (coconut ice cream with black coconut-ash cookies) and Young Metro Milkshake (Hennessy and butterscotch). It was a bigger pain in the ass than signing up for Tidal.
That’s right, a good 45-minute wait, during which time I was regaled with Kanye-adjacent hits such as “Empire State of Mind.” Trust me, the irony was not lost on me as Alicia Keys sang, “These streets will make you feel brand new.” I’ve got news for you: waiting nearly an hour for ice cream will not making you feel brand new, nor will pounding an alcoholic butterscotch milkshake in the middle of the afternoon. It will make you feel like spraying hot golden vom all over the Bowery.
According to a counterperson, the Young Metro and the Panda cone are the most popular items along with the returning “I Am a God” Ice Cream Croissantwich, which consists of vanilla ice cream inside of an Arcade Bakery croissant. Other oddities include the “Beautiful Morning” coffee ice cream milkshake with Corn Flakes and a split with banana ice cream, banana whipped cream, and banana fudge. There are optional “T.L.O.P.P.I.N.G.S.” such as “Pablo pretzels.” The banana split is $22, so wait till you get your money right before ordering it.
Also, be prepared to wait even longer than I did: when I left there were nearly 40 people in line. If that doesn’t scare you away, here’s the menu.
#KanyeIceCreamWeek continues through June 12 at Morgenstern’s, 2 Rivington St., Lower East Side; 212-209-7684.