With all of our fave shows shooting around the neighborhood (e.g. Girls, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt), there’s not much to watch on actual TV. Luckily some of our favorite performers are reviving some classic shows on stage.
Doctor Who: A Hotsy Totsy Burlesque Tribute
Thursday, Sept. 10, 8pm, at The Slipper Room, 167 Orchard St., at Stanton St.; Lower East Side; tickets $10
And here you thought stepping into the callboxes at Hell Phone was the closest you could come to hanging with Time Lords. Having previously paid tribute to everything from Big Lebowski to Harry Potter, the Hotsy Totsy Burlesque troupe is now randying up our favorite trippy sci-fi series (cue the creepiest theme music this side of Unsolved Mysteries). Step into your TARDIS and journey back to a pre-Giuliani time of tassels and high kicks — Hotsy Totsy is about to show you why they call it the boob tube.
Full House! The Musical!
Sept. 10 to Nov. 29 at Theater 80, 80 St Marks., nr. 1st Ave., East Village; tickets from $25 to $50
Bob and Tobly McSmith, creators of the ribald Saved by the Bell and Showgirls musicals, are now defiling Full House in a way that not even Howard Stern’s Olsen-obsessed interviews with Bob Saget could. With Perez Hilton starring, you know things are going to get wild as wholesome Danny Tanner devolves into the foul-mouthed Saget. “Will he get his ‘Dad Speech’ power back in time to save his family?” asks a teaser. With National Lampoon presenting the whole affair and “puppet lovemaking” promised, it’s safe to say the answer is no.

Improvised Seinfeld
Friday, Sept. 11 at UCB Theatre, 307 W. 26th St., Chelsea; tickets $10
If you missed your chance to hang in Jerry’s apartment and get berated by the Soup Nazi, giddy-up over to UCB’s twisted version of a Seinfeld episode, complete with slap-bass intro and slapstick Kramer (see a previous attempt above). If the improvised version fails to live up to the original, no biggie: there’s a 51-percent chance Larry David is bringing back his post-Seinfeld hit, Curb Your Enthusiasm. Every time he thinks he’s out of it, they pull him back in…