NYSCGood news for East Villagers who prefer Fitbits to chokers: the New York Sports Club that replaced Gracefully on Avenue A will officially open for workouts on March 2, according to company reps. Not that everyone is happy about it: as I took this picture a man walked by on his cell phone and I happened to overhear his conversation: “Are they building a gym? They’re building a gym! Oh, those fuckers!”

Meanwhile in Bushwick, at least one gym can’t come soon enough.

As bootcamps replace bohemia, the fitness obsession is creeping into Bushwick. But there has been some grumbling about Crunch Gym Bushwick set to open on, wait for it … July 1, 2013.  At least on Yelp, there is. The new, fully functional gym has twelve reviews, eleven of which give it a solid one star rating. Why? Because it hasn’t opened yet.

“I joined this gym two years ago. Still hasn’t opened. Every time I ask, they say two more weeks. It’s been two years and they still tell me two more weeks with a straight face every single time I ask,” writes one reviewer.

Another one gives it, “-34956894087609486908 stars and 10003495904985086498 massive dog shits.”

The one reviewer that didn’t agree gave it five stars and LOL’d. “I somewhat understand the frustration of other reviewers but who in their right mind would sign up to join a gym that isn’t officially open for business!?” he writes. “LOL, I’m looking forward to the opening and using their state of the art equipment, classes, aqua massage table and tanning booths.”

That was written more than a year ago. Last week, we called Crunch Bushwick to set the matter straight. The receptionist told us that they were still closed because of “issues with permits and the landlord” but that they were ready to open next month. If we were interested, we could sign up for the “Early Bird Special” online, which has been resetting its countdown for over two years (but she didn’t mention that).

We tried calling the landlord, Reva Holdings, but couldn’t get past a woman who hung up as soon as she heard what we were asking about. We also attempted to contact the general manager, Elliot Garney on the day before DNAinfo posted about the gym, apparently following the same lead. He didn’t return our phone calls. When we tried calling today, the gym’s receptionist said she had been instructed not to transfer any callers.

It seems that Crunch Bushwick is backed into a corner. But don’t worry, they’re still ready to take your credit card.