Is the urn you see here David Schwimmer’s personal urn? It may well be, because at the time of this writing, a moving truck is parked in front of the so-called Schwimmer mansion, unloading boxes. So many boxes. The movers are making damn sure nobody gets a peek inside the mansion, the bottom floor of which is still behind plywood. In fact, there’s a man at the plywood door, pulling it closed with a string every time one of the movers enters or exits (sorry, we forgot to Vine it).
We asked the man whether the reports are true — that David Schwimmer is the mystery man who outraged East Villagers by demolishing a 160-year-0ld townhouse and replacing it with (gasp!) well, a rather handsome brick edifice, if you ask us (call us, Dave. We know all the best spots). The string man shrugged us off.
A passerby noticed the string man and asked, “Why you being so secretive? I wanna see it!”
But all we could get out of the movers were lies, more lies! One of them joked, “They wanna see who’s moving. Me! It’s my pad!”
Shya, right. This place is so ‘uge that the movers were using color codes to identify sections of the house, and it seemed like they were running out of colors. At one point they joked(?) that they had 16 hours left and the move was going to be a three-day affair. They also spoke of taking books up to “that library we saw all the way upstairs.”
In any case, we can confirm that dining room dishes have now been delivered to 331 East Sixth Street.
Will we be following this story as it develops? Yes, dear readers, we’ll be there for you (And that is a Friends theme-song reference.)