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When Bruce Springsteen said, “Meet me tonight in Atlantic City,” he failed to mention it would cost $1,000.

Jersey’s native son is about to ride into that tunnel of love– or the Holland Tunnel, anyway– and make some New York appearances. But, sorry, if you want to attend his meet-and-greet at the Barnes & Noble in Union Square, it’s going to be a Park Avenue freeze-out. Tickets are all sold out. Oh, but what’s this? A kind soul is offering up two extras. The asking price? All that heaven will allow, pretty much.

“The going price on eBay has been ~$1000 per ticket,” writes the 30-year-old good samaritan. “That is the range of what I am looking for.” And don’t even think about trying to ramrod him: “My overwhelming preference is to sell both and make the most money possible.”

He’s not wrong about eBay: A Buy It Now auction is asking $1,500 for two tickets, which is in the range of what scalped tickets to his four-hour-long shows go for. At that price, you’re better off dancing in the dark.

On StubHub, tickets for his Philly reading are going for over $1,000 and tickets for his New Yorker Fest sit-down with David Remnick are going for $480. (So far, nobody has tried to scalp seats for his recently added and quickly sold-out appearance at the Apple Store on Sept. 28).

If you’re really going to shell out $1,500 just to get 30 seconds with Bruce before a B&N employee tells you, “No, Mr. Springsteen will not let you sniff the handkerchief from the Born in the USA cover,” remember these two things: You can look, but you better not touch. And also, why not just spend $315 to meet him in Portland, Oregon and use the rest of the money for airfare and a hotel? At least you get a vacation and a nice meal at (the original) Pok Pok out of it. But really, you’re better off putting that money toward a union card and a wedding coat and just checking out his Colbert appearance or his CBS Sunday Morning interview instead.

While you do that, I’m’a keep my eye on this StubHub page. Hopefully these prices are goin’ down.