Physically, it’s not really that challenging a sport. Mentally, even less so; in fact the “better” “players” are usually among the most tipsy. And though Competitive Winter Picnicking might not have made it to PyeongChang this Olympiad, the world–or, at least, a few baffled dog walkers–learned yesterday in chilly, drizzly Prospect Park that the game definitely makes for a strange spectacle.

Organized by the good folks at Shadow Traffic, Sunday’s event marked the first such competition since 2014 and, given the enthusiasm and creativity on display even in the rain, the prediction here is that this becomes an annual affair. Think of it as the Idiotarod, but instead of tearing around Brooklyn with shopping carts, the thematically costumed teams… well, they picnic.
So there was lots of food and booze, games of skill (including the Snuggling Olympics), plenty of sharing and camaraderie, and, because this is, after all, a competition, there was also sabotage, executed especially well by the gloriously conceived team Ant Attack, who went around grabbing everyone’s supplies with their pincers.
A dozen teams in all showed up for the Winter Picnic. In addition to Ant Attack (winner for Tightest Thematic Team), there was Pynneth Gwaltrow’s Glop, which arrived armed with more bad yoni jokes than one would have that possible; the Cold Hearted Queens, a generous crew of two with enough ice cream pie to feed a hundred people; the awkwardly-named Chicken, Carrot, Cake, whose archery range won them the trophy for Funnest Picnic Game; and the Sakura Notsuri, who somehow prepared a whole elaborate Japanese hot pot meal in the mud, and in doing so took home the award for Richest Picnic Meal.
In the end, though, it was the Naughti-Cals crew of nasty pirates who earned the coveted Best In Show trophy for their fabulous spread, terrible wordplay, sticky seamen, and sexy mermaid performance.