All sorts of weird things are happening this weekend– Friday the 13th, Valentine’s Day, Fashion Week– which leads me to believe that something awful is going on with the planets. Like, considering that no one has yet promised to buy me dinner and shower me in useless gifts on V-day, something is really, really off. And only something as powerful as the stars could make such impossible circumstances a reality.

That’s why you won’t find me out on some freaky “date” on Saturday or getting my photo taken at Fashion Week, which is definitely something that happens, like, all the time. No ma’am or sir, you’ll find me hiding from all this astrological weirdness, drinking alone in a movie theater, because that’s something that never happens, I assure you.

Wowy, don’t miss out on this super heady film-ish happening at Light Industry. To be honest, we don’t really know what to make of L’anticoncept– it’s less a film and more a meta-cinematic, Dada experience. It’s what a noise show would look like if captured on film and broken down to its most basic elements. Completed in 1951, Anticoncept was the work of French avant-garde artist Gil J Wolman, an important figure in the Lettrisme movement, which focuses heavily on symbols and letters to convey Dada and Surrealist sensibilities.

We imagine this film will be super disorienting and, like, what better is there to celebrate Friday the 13th? Also keep in mind the last time L’anticoncept was staged in New York was more than 15 years ago so, like, you could feasibly die before the next one. Our advice– don’t wait around. Friday, Feb. 13, 7:30 pm at Light Industry; tickets, $7 at the door

Filmomaniac February Screening Series
This Sunday is your opportunity to check out the work of New York City-based independent filmmakers. Filmomaniac is hosting a monthly local film series starting on the 15th at Subject LES which, you guessed it, is on the Lower East Side. Best of all you can sip on some amazing cocktails (brought to you by Chris Harrington, who’s also the bar manager at Momofuku) while you check out the screenings. The February installment features six films including Bombshell, a narrative short directed by Erin Sanger that won a long list of awards at a variety of film festivals. The film follows a group of suburban kids as they commit a heinous crime on the 4th of July and then must face the consequences of their actions.  Sunday, Feb. 15 at Subject LES, 188 Suffolk Street; tickets: free, but don’t be a bum buy a drink!  

La Brune et Moi
In keeping with Rocktuary, a full freaking month of awesomely weird rock movies, Spectacle Theater is screening La Brune et Moi, a fictional film starring some real life French punk and new wave bands like Taxi Girl, Artefact, and Ici Paris. This is definitely post-Pistols stuff: “punk” by now is mainstream — so much so that Anouschka, a beautiful young Parisian chick, yearns to be a punk star. Oddly enough, a suit falls for Anouschka and, even weirder, he wants to help her realize her dreams. Come for novelty, stay for the awesomely catchy French punk ditties. Monday, Feb. 16 and Thursday, Feb. 26, 7:30 pm at Spectacle Theater; tickets, $5 at the door

Sid And Nancy
This one’s by far our top pick if you’re going to do the whole V-Day thing. It’s truly the most romantic love story ever told: Sid Vicious, the Sex Pistols member more adept at styling his hair than playing bass falls in love with Nancy Spungen, a prostitute and fellow heroin addict. The two abused each other as much as they excited and enthralled one another, that is until Vicious stabbed Nancy to death in a drugged-out haze. The video above captures a famous interview that demonstrates just how beautiful their love truly was.

The true story is outrageous and thankfully, the film does a great job of capturing the bizarre relationship and its tragic results. And of course, Gary Oldman’s memorable performance steals the show. Friday, Feb. 13 and Saturday, Feb. 14 at midnight, Nitehawk Cinema; tickets, $11

Anti-Valentines Day Showcase
Hell, yeah– we love Spectacle, and events like this just inspire that love to grow deeper. As a “salute to all the things that make love so awful,” the Williamsburg indie theater is screening “four tales of rejection, sin, necrophilia, and infidelity,” so basically the freaking Spice Channel. Hot, hot, hot y’all. If you can only pick one, kick your significant other to the curb and make your way to the screening of Love Me Deadly, a really cute film about an beautiful blonde babe, Lindsay, who just happens to be into… doing it with dead people. GASP!

You might think that Lindsay lives a lonely life on the fringes of society, her only companions the lifeless corpses she can steal fleeting kisses with. LOL– as if! This is LA baby, and as such Lindsay finds plenty of other freaks to chill with when a funeral director introduces her to a Sex and Death Cult. Saturday, Feb. 14, midnight at Spectacle Theater; tickets $5 at the door