(Photo: Daniel Maurer)
No, not everybody is swiping away on Tinder. We recently spotted a couple of handmade lonely-hearts flyers in the East Village. The one at left offered just an email address and a head shot of Oscar the Grouch. We decided to get in touch with ladies man “Alex A,” and he answered a few of our questions about love and luck in the city. (Though only after he had made a play for a date. Cheeky devil.) Read our exchange below, and stay tuned tomorrow as we talk to the author of the other flyer, a loner from Detroit who wrote, “If you have a heart you can give me a call or text.”
How old are you, and what do you do?
25. I consider myself a computer hacker. But I have a day job working with digital media as well.
How long have you lived in NYC, and which neighborhood do you live in?
5 years. I live in the East Village and have lived here the whole time.
What other dating approaches have you tried (bars, online etc.)?
I’ve done pretty much everything. Bars, clubs, coffee shops, in the park, on the street, and of course online. I’m rather tech savvy so online used to be my fave but in recent years it’s become a bit “over-fished” in my opinion. Back in the day, I used to meet a lot of women on Myspace. It was great because women had never really been approached online prior to that so many were more receptive than they are now.
My current online favorite is OkCupid. I’ve never really tried any of the paid sites because I don’t feel I need to pay someone to meet other people. I’ve also met quite a number of dates off of Facebook and I have a 2nd profile that I use exclusively for meeting girls. Most recently, I was in a relationship for about 4 months with a girl that I met on Facebook. However, presently my main way that I meet women is on the street, in the parks or in a bar/club.
(Photo: Kirsten O’Regan)
Why are you trying the flyer approach?
I’ll try almost anything when it comes to dating. Some of the things that I’ve done, especially to “seal the deal” are pretty crazy, so putting up the flyer wasn’t that big of a deal for me.
What sort of “crazy” things are you referring to? I’m intrigued.
I could write a book on this one and I probably should. Last summer I met this girl and we were in her room. However, she said that we couldn’t hook up because she didn’t want her roommate to hear. We also couldn’t leave to go back to my place because again, she didn’t want her roommate to know she was leaving. It was a terrible feeling and I essentially felt trapped. It was almost as if someone had parked your dream car in your driveway, told you it was yours but said you had to wait to get the keys. So I ended up taking her out onto the fire escape and going up to the rooftop. It took a bit of time to convince her to come out onto the fire escape but it was worth it in the end. It was a great time and the view was stunning.
Would you say any of your approach to dating comes from stuff like The Game, ie. pick-up artist culture? Or are you more of a free agent?
Yes, I’m familiar with the pick-up community. However, I do not consider myself a PUA. There is certainly good advice out there within the community but there is also a lot of BAD advice. However, the thing to keep in mind when discussing the pick-up community is that it is a business. The people who teach it are there to make money and at the end of the day that is what they are going to do. So if they have to market to you and stretch the truth a bit in order to sell you on their program, they will. It might sound like I’m bitter or that I spent a lot of money myself but I’ve actually never spent a dime on any kind of dating advice. I just noticed the trend.
The other thing to keep in mind is that almost all people who try to become a PUA will fail. It has nothing to do with the advice or any other factor. They will fail because 99% of the population lacks the discipline and motivation to become an expert. That’s why most people don’t go to the gym, most people aren’t happy with their job, and most people will never have the dating life that I’ve had.
The only guy that I think has any clue what he’s doing is a guy called RSD Tyler. Anyone else is really a joke in my opinion.
Do you think dating in NYC is especially good or especially bad? And why?
Oh it’s terrible and amazing at the same time. However, if you don’t really know what you’re doing it’s horrible. There are so many options here in the city, you can never run out. At the same time, options make people flaky and that can be very annoying. Getting flaked is not fun, I’m sure everyone who’s gotten flaked [on] knows that.
How did you decide what to put on the flyer?
I was walking home from work when I had the idea. The exact thought that I had was, “Wow, there are so many girls out just walking around today. I wish I could be out here (on the street) more often so I could meet more girls.” Then, as I was walking home I saw a flyer for some guy doing apartment painting and had the idea to create my own flyer.
I originally just had the words and no picture. When I showed it to a friend, she said it was too plain and that I should put my picture on it. I told her that there was no way I was putting my picture on it. Instead, I thought about what would be the funniest picture I could include that would showcase my personality a bit. For some reason, Oscar the Grouch came to mind. She said it was perfect because it was so ironic that it made it funny.
Are you looking for love and long-term romance?
Yes, but not at the present time. I haven’t had the dating life that I want to have yet in order to be sure I’d be settling down with the right person. I’m not sure that I’ll ever get “married” but perhaps some kind of life partner situation. I don’t know enough about those options, so I can’t really speak on it. Not planning on any of that for another 10+ years. I also still have a lot of self development left to do before I’d want to date myself long term. If that makes sense.
How many people have responded to the flyer so far?
So far 2 people responded. I’ve actually only put up 4 flyers with 9 e-mails each. After I put them up, I went back and checked on them through out the day. What I found was that little by little each flyer was having a few emails ripped off and by the end of the day all 4 flyers were finished.
And how many dates has this actually resulted in?
I’m currently talking to both girls but we haven’t gone on a date yet. However, we have Skyped quite a bit and it’s going well. I do prefer the one over the other but only time will tell what happens next. One is in her twenties and the other in her thirties. I actually prefer the thirties… but then again I usually go for older women.
I’m also planning on putting up more flyers soon. I’ve revised them a bit because I feel like they might be a bit too mysterious. On the new flyer, I’ve included a few facts about me (age, location, etc.) so that people will feel more comfortable about responding.
You could say that a 5% response rate is pretty poor but I take objection to that statement for a few reasons.
#1 – I view meeting girls from the flyer almost as a bonus round. I would have never met them otherwise so it’s just like extra dates for free.
#2 – I went into this with the belief that if even only one girl responded, I’d consider it a massive win. The fact that 2 girls responded, in my eyes = the flyer is killing it.
#3 – I really hate the “batting average” that a lot of people have when it comes to meeting women. I much prefer to view it as “Am I dating the kinds of girls that I want to date?” or “Am I dating the quality of girls I want to date?”
At the end of the day I’ve been rejected by thousands of girls. No joke. But in my opinion, there is no such thing as a rejection or a “no,” just a not yet.
Case in point: I met a girl at a bar over a year ago. Got her number but then the interaction fizzled and she never responded when I texted her. If I recall correctly, she might have even told me to stop texting her.
About a month ago, I approached a girl sitting in the park. After some talking I gave her my number and she texted me hers. Then, we went on an “instant date” for frozen yogurt. We ended up hooking up after fro-yo and finally I walked her to the train.
As I was walking home, I looked at my phone to see if I had missed any texts / calls from the day. I had a few and I also had the text that she sent me earlier. Much to my surprise, I already had her number saved in my phone (I did not save it that day). I wondered how this could be possible, only to realize that she was the same girl from a year earlier that had “rejected me.”
We’ve been going out for a few weeks now and she still has no clue that we met a year earlier. Maybe I’ll tell her on our wedding day… lol
Funny how things work out ; )