The first Offsite. (Photo: R.E. Jose)

The first Offsite. (Photo: R.E. Jose)

If you’ve ever found yourself at Wreck Room, feeling like it’d be nice to be surrounded by the same crowd but in considerably less stale air, then pack your bags for Offsite, a “major multi-disciplinary weekend of creative workshops and activities” — or: an adult sleep-away camp.

The first Offsite, held in February, looked like this. This one runs from July 12 to 14, at a farm called Clawhammer in Isle, NY, and will focus on “food hacking.” No, that doesn’t mean what you think it does (though pig butchery is a part of it all) — it means making moonshine and all sorts of other goodies from scratch, or on the cheap. There’s a workshop on “how to make the best dishes out of the worst foods,” and another on “how to make delicious, fermented vegetables from scratch.” And once you’ve made them, you can learn to photograph them. (Because if a vegetable is pickled in the woods and no one is there to photograph it…)

But what if you don’t like anyone you end up being stuck with, drinking homebrew in the middle of nowhere? Don’t worry: there’s also a class on how to build a treehouse!

Sure, the $350 sleepover fee (plus a camping-gear fee, if you don’t have your own) is a lot to shell out for a weekend getaway, but keep in mind the classes are included – unless you want to learn how to slaughter an animal. In that case, it’s 20 bucks extra for the chicken you kill and 150 big ones for a quarter of a pig. If that sounds like a lot, remember the old parable: “Teach a man to fish…” (or pickle…)