Debating whether to enter the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant? The folks at Kings County want to harden your resolve.
In addition to the $300 cash prize you’ll get if you’re found to have the wee-est weenis in Brooklyn, you’ll get to go on a date with a pair of comely sisters – possibly to everyone’s favorite East Williamsburg strip club, Pumps.
Bobbie Chaset, the manager at King’s County who’s running the contest, tell us that Audrey, a 28-year-old bartender at the Bushwick watering hole, and her 25-year-old sister Rachel will take the winner to dinner at 1 Knickerbocker (where Rachel is a manager) and may just treat him to a night at Pumps afterward.
That is, if the winner is up for it. “Two of our contestants are pretty quiet, shy guys,” says Chaset. “I’d love to see them at a strip club.”
So far, there are six contestants (which is about the number who competed last year), including last year’s runner-up Rip Van Dinkle, who plans to fly in from Minnesota for the contest. “He’s hilarious and really old,” says Chaset. “He’s very crotchety and angry and it’s really funny.”
Just how crotchety is he? That will be determined June 14, when the contest begins with a formal wear round (involving a bow-tied baby sock) and then proceeds to a swimwear round involving “penis kittens” with Super Soakers, and finally a talent round.
(Courtesy of Kings County Bar)
If you think all of this is in very poor taste, at least one person agrees with you. Chaset says she got a letter from a 41-year-old gay man who “blamed the smallest penis pageant for the reason that gay marriage isn’t legal in the United States.” She stressed that the event “is not linked to the LGBT community at all” – even if the host is a drag queen named Chicken Bitches.