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Yer Week in Shows: Let NYC Shake + Get Summertime Ratchet While You Still Can

MONDAY

PJ Harvey (Image via Terminal 5)

PJ Harvey (Image via Terminal 5)

PJ Harvey
Monday August 15, 7:30 pm at Terminal 5: $55

We can’t guarantee that the rest of your week won’t be filled with dehydrated-soup-cup lunches and Whole Foods samples (based on our experience, you can totally get away with sampling from the salad bar and bulk sections as long as you can channel a French accent at-will, so that if you’re caught in the act you can declare with the utmost innocence: “C’est magnifique! Whole Foods ist trayyy generositay!”)

Just close your eyes, click that “BUY” button, and sign yourself up for one extremely pricey ticket, not to mention the supremely expensive crappy beer you have to suffer, because it’s PJ Harvey who you’ll be shelling out the big bucks for (i.e. worth it).

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Yer Fast-Approaching Future in Music

(Image via Claudio Simonetti's Goblin/ Facebook)

(Image via Claudio Simonetti’s Goblin/ Facebook)

Claudio Simonetti’s Goblin
Tuesday May 24, 8 pm at the Marlin Room, Webster Hall: $25
Goblin– the late ’70s Italian band best known for their amazingly spooky soundtracks, written for the Italian art-house horror master, Dario Argento– really needs no introduction. However, Claudio Simonetti’s Goblin might call for some explaining.

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Your Future Holds Four Rad Shows, Don’t Miss Em

(Image via Cellular Chaos/ Facebook)

(Image via Cellular Chaos/ Facebook)

Cellular Chaos, ONO, Paint Thinner, Weeping Icon, Maximum Ernst
Thursday( March 31, 8 pm at Alphaville: $8
If real nasty, real legit, real rock music– something that rings almost of another era– is what you’re craving, then be sure to hit this Cellular Chaos show next week. You’ll be treated to a band that’s actually spewing straight-up, not-lame rock complete with real urgency, real instruments, and the sort of sweaty, underground-weary belly roar that you can never, ever fake. It’s too bad this particular species of music is in danger of becoming extinct right now– thanks to some truly demented mutations of the form, all too often manifesting as either that commercial-grade, cock-rock slop played in close proximity to vintage orange amps, a pair of leather pants, at least one divorce, and male-pattern baldness or, on the other hand, pip-pop compositions dreamed up by a pair of twee Grimaces wearing matching, hand-embroidered overall numbers, and Colonel Sanders’ ties whose highest aspiration is providing the OST for a Volkswagen commercial (sorry– is it too soon?). But there’s hope– Cellular Chaos spawns none of those rock n’ roll bastard children.

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Week in Shows: Mystery Ear Juice and a Dolled-Up Punk Band Gets Its Wings

B Boys (Photo via Baby's All Right)

B Boys and who? (Photo via Baby’s All Right/ Photoshop trix by Nicole Disser)

Secret Show 
Wednesday, Jan. 27, 10 pm at Baby’s All Right: $15 at the door

We’re not really all that into surprises. The chances of looking your birthday best after busting open your apartment door to find a surprise party are pretty low, especially considering it’s the one day each year that you leave your pants unbuttoned all the way from the dollar slice place back home. And let’s be real, those grab-bag things are usually filled with plastic dinosaurs, expired condoms, and airplane bottles, anyway– things only a child could love. But when Baby’s All Right threw another one of these secret shows back in December, they gifted us Blood Orange. And even though it would be kind of a not-surprise surprise, we’d be totally cool with another Blood Orange show.

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