Destruction Unit

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Your Future Holds Four Rad Shows, Don’t Miss Em

(Image via Cellular Chaos/ Facebook)

(Image via Cellular Chaos/ Facebook)

Cellular Chaos, ONO, Paint Thinner, Weeping Icon, Maximum Ernst
Thursday( March 31, 8 pm at Alphaville: $8
If real nasty, real legit, real rock music– something that rings almost of another era– is what you’re craving, then be sure to hit this Cellular Chaos show next week. You’ll be treated to a band that’s actually spewing straight-up, not-lame rock complete with real urgency, real instruments, and the sort of sweaty, underground-weary belly roar that you can never, ever fake. It’s too bad this particular species of music is in danger of becoming extinct right now– thanks to some truly demented mutations of the form, all too often manifesting as either that commercial-grade, cock-rock slop played in close proximity to vintage orange amps, a pair of leather pants, at least one divorce, and male-pattern baldness or, on the other hand, pip-pop compositions dreamed up by a pair of twee Grimaces wearing matching, hand-embroidered overall numbers, and Colonel Sanders’ ties whose highest aspiration is providing the OST for a Volkswagen commercial (sorry– is it too soon?). But there’s hope– Cellular Chaos spawns none of those rock n’ roll bastard children.

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Music: Destruction Unit, Latishia’s Skull Drawing, Pawns, Horoscope

(Photo via AdHoc)

(Photo via AdHoc)

More Destruction Unit, more Pawns. Guaranteed good. But there’s a surprise or two in store at this show too: a certain band that dishes out filthy rotten noise punk– sonically closer to a pile of hideous rubble than whatever one might call “music–” like it’s nothing: bless the boys of Latishia’s Skull Drawing. There’s a reason why this seemingly unknown band that appeared out of nowhere like a phantom from hell is so dang good at what they do– do the words “members of Cult Ritual” mean anything to you?

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Music: AdHoc Car Wash

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Yo– everybody and their brother’s heard about the Ad Hoc Car Wash show happening on Saturday. Hell, even The New Yorker got wind of it. Tbh, this non-CMJ-during-CMJ daytime happening is probably gonna be the best party all weekend. I mean, Protomartyr?Sheer Mag? And Destruction Unit? And a buttload of other bands all playing inside a car wash on Lorimer? Sold, sold, and sold. It’s gonna smell great in there we imagine and we really hope they’ve found a way to make use of those unmistakable car wash lights. Who knows, maybe AdHoc’s got a foam party up their sleeves.

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Shows: Father/Daughter Prom Party and CMJ Without Agoraphobic Nosebleeds

(Flyer via Santos Party House)

(Flyer via Santos Party House)

CMJ is upon us, which translates to either the arrival of a complete shit show or (if you’re not really the observant type) venues suddenly appearing slightly more crowded with douchery than usual. Regardless of whether you’re in touch with the less-than-ideal reality for regular show-goers, or prefer to put on chakra glasses and render all those grayscale suits as rainbow zombies, you still gotta plan out this week just a little better than usual– having your friends drag you out of a cab, splash beer on your face, and carefully deposit your lifeless body at your favorite venue’s doorstep isn’t gonna fly. Instead, you’ll need PMA, advanced tickets, and whatever lies beyond this line.

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Week in Shows: Doctors in Experimental Sound and Weird Punk from Middle Earth

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It’s official now, right? We’ve entered the season of sweat. We’re all gonna smell like crap from here until depression, and shows are the perfect bacteria-breeding, lust-filled eco-chambers for housing all those fun city smells under one decrepit roof. Unless you’re so lucky as to find yourself a backyard show, or better yet a backyard show series like the one happening at Union Pool, get ready for seriously noxious fumes. But just imagine, with Summer Thunder you’ll be able to get rowdy in the heat of a summer show and be able to breathe. They don’t say Union Pool is the straight man’s cruising heaven for nothing. We’ll keep an eye out for more open-air music happenings, but until then, when heading to your neighborhood DIY dungeon, don’t forget to break out the kerchiefs, patchouli, or even a plague mask if you can swing it, you’re gonna need em.

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