The sun will come out tomorrow y’all, but that doesn’t mean our black-as-black hearts have grown any less cynical. We’ll never be wary of shutting ourselves inside and “catching” what I’ve heard people call “flicks,” as opposed to having face-to-face human interactions. Those are never as good as movies anyway, and the only thing you can “catch” from people are diseases. Am I right or am I right? That’s why we’re gracing you yet again with at least a handful of excuses to avoid that horrible social anxiety otherwise known as talking to people, particularly like a date or something. Imagine the horror! Hell is other people and movies are really the only thing that, once in a while, might trick us into thinking that’s a bunch of bull.

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