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These Holiday Haps Will Keep You Far, Far Away From Rockefeller Center

“Nutcracker Rouge” (Photo: Angelica Frey)

Suddenly, people you haven’t seen in years are asking to squeeze an air mattress into your apartment’s shared living space (hallway), and include you in their crazed plans to join the crush around Rockefeller Center to look at an average-sized Norway spruce. The tree lighting is tomorrow, by the way; the Department of Transportation has declared Wednesday a “gridlock alert day,” one of 16 during the holiday season, when driving through Midtown takes twice as long as normal.

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How New Yorkers Survive Alternate Side Parking Without Pulling an Alec Baldwin

(Photos: Jess Rohan)

Alec Baldwin was in court this morning defending himself against allegations that he attempted to assault a guy over a parking space–an impulse that is no doubt familiar to the nearly half of New York households that own cars. A data collection firm found that nearly a third of US drivers surveyed had been in a fight over a parking space in the previous year. It’s hard to imagine that figure isn’t higher in New York City, home to some of the country’s most aggressive drivers, and the third-most congested city in the world. 

A major target of city driver ire is the daily dance known as alternate side parking, which forces drivers without the benefit of a driveway or expensive parking-garage spot to move their cars in the middle of the day as they await a zamboni.

Re-parking is incredibly time-consuming, leading many people to just double park on the other side of the street–or sometimes, if there’s a bike lane, in the middle of the street. And car ownership is on the rise in the city–up 9% in the past four years–possibly due to new rideshare drivers.

We talked to some brave souls occupying their double-parked cars in the East Village on street cleaning day to find out what they think about during their two-hour purgatory.

Failing to move during street cleaning is a $65 fine in most of Manhattan, and it’s $115 for double parking–but head down any Village side street during its alternate-side parking hours and you’ll see a solid row of unattended, double-parked cars.

“It’s a whole day’s salary for some people,” said Fabrizio Duque, who was waiting in a friend’s car that he borrowed for the day. “So I understand why it’s frustrating.”

Fabrizio Duque.

Alternate side parking is such a city institution that the novelist Jonathan Safran Foer once described it to Natalie Portman (and Times readers) in mind-numbing detail, and David Foster Wallace chose it as the occasion for grisly murder in his novel Infinite Jest. For over 20 years, New Yorkers would find their unmoved cars affixed with “stickers of shame,” until City Council voted to end a practice they considered “not reasonable behavior in the 21st century.”

Brigitte Landou has a strategy for parking her 18-year-old beater car, which is covered in the work of the painter Kenny Scharf, a staple of the 1980s East Village art scene. When she can’t find a spot on her usual street, which is partly blocked with construction right now, she parks on the block of the nearby police precinct, which is exempt from the alternate side parking hours.

Brigitte Landau’s car, painted by Kenny Scharf.

But Landou rarely has to resort to the NYPD’s block, she said, because she’s good at finding spots. She credits her cool-headed driving to her mother, who learned to drive at 18 to flee the Nazi occupation of France and, she says, ended up receiving an award as the “best driver in France” for going 67 years without a single accident.

Still, things can get dicey on the streets. “Sometimes you’re ready to park and someone–from New Jersey, probably–comes and tries to take your spot,” Landou said.

Stephen Singer, an actor, studies scripts during street cleaning. He’s lived in the city since 1971, but just got a car two years ago, which he uses for occasional trips out of town. Singer hopes the City finds a better parking solution soon; the last time someone stopped to talk to him during ASP day, they gave him a survey from an app developer for an algorithm to find open parking spaces. There are at least five such apps already–and more on the way

Once, Singer said, he got hit by a street cleaner. It was on the zamboni’s second pass on the street, after it had hit another car and flattened the tire.

Annie Dumke, who uses her car to visit her mother in Westchester, reads during street cleaning; a recent pick was the book Car Trouble by Robert Rorke. Dumke and her husband are staying in a friend’s East Village apartment while they find a place in the city, where they’re returning after a stint in the suburbs.

“I’m not so sure it’s worth having a car in New York City,” Dumke said. “My friends in the city don’t have cars, and maybe there’s a reason for that.”

One of her kids lives in Brooklyn, Dumke said. “Maybe it’s more humane there.”

It won’t end the city’s street cleaning ritual any time soon, but some drivers hope that if the proposed congestion pricing goes through next year, our parking woes might be ever-so-slightly alleviated.

Annie Dumke.

“The less cars, the better,” Dumke said.

Landou, on the other hand, is totally against congestion pricing, which she said will be difficult for older Manhattanites on fixed incomes who need a car for running errands and going to appointments.

Despite the difficulties, Landou said, having her car is worth it: “My car is my freedom.”

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When You Sell Books On the Sidewalk, You Meet Some Characters

Here’s another chapter of Book Hawks, in which we meet the sidewalk booksellers who brave the elements to bring you good reads.

(Photos: Jess Rohan)

D, who asked that we not use his full name, is a poet and fiction writer who sells books on the sidewalk by Union Square. He splits his time between New York and New Orleans, where he does street poetry for people on a typewriter.  

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Skip the Turkey and Spend This Thanksgiving With Unicorns

(via House of Yes)

Weather people are saying the tall buildings on the Thanksgiving Day parade route from Central Park to Penn Station could funnel “frigid wind” straight into the faces of 3.5 million people. Plus, Al Roker will be riding a motorcycle all over the place this year. “He will be very mobile,” the head of NBC’s parade telecast said. Avoid this icy hellscape and the inevitable MTA delays with these Thanksgiving events.

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Popping Into the Whitney’s Andy Warhol Retrospective, Opening Monday

(Photos by Jess Rohan unless noted)

Andy Warhol once called New York the best place in the world, and Warhol was the patron saint of the alternative East Village culture that today’s NYU students both mourn and gradually cannibalize. Head to the Whitney Museum of American Art next week to pay homage to the artist who pioneered loving stuff ironically, from selfies and celebs to fake news.

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NYC’s Empty Newspaper Boxes Are Being Turned Into Woke Lending Libraries

(Photos courtesy of New York Mini Libraries)

On your way to the polls, grab a leftist polemic or a dystopic novel from the guerrilla mini-libraries that started popping up in old newspaper boxes around Manhattan yesterday.

“Books are weapons in the war of ideas,” a sticker on the newsrack-turned-mini-library on the corner of Reade Street and Centre Street reads, paraphrasing a Franklin D. Roosevelt quote. “Arm yourself.”

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After the Midterms, Marxism: Socialists Gear Up For Fall Conference

While cable news pundits are busy predicting outcomes for Tuesday’s midterms, New York socialists have already set the schedule for a Marxism conference for this weekend; they plan to discuss the same topics no matter who wins on Election Day.

The conference– Saturday from 11am to 8pm at the New School, 66 W. 12th St— is for “hundreds of socialists and activists from NYC and the broader Mid-Atlantic region to dig into the theory, history and practice,” the event page reads.

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Rally With Nan Goldin, Richard Hell, and Other Downtown Legends at This Protest Pop-Up

“18 & Stormy” by Richard Prince.

Are you into arts, crafts, or sharing primal screams with your fellow progressives? From now until Election Day you can go to Protest Factory and watch a crew of prominent writers and artists make protests signs. Among those who will be reading, speaking, and rallying are punk poet Richard Hell, photographers Nan Goldin and Ryan McGinley, musician and performance artist Kembra Pfahler, writers Michael Cunningham and Eileen Myles, and visual artists Marilyn Minter, Barbara Kruger and Laurie Simmons.

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