Williamsburg seems to get some shiny new thing pretty much every day, whether it’s a Whole Foods, yet another glass condo, solar-powered trash compactors, or Pat Kiernan. The latest gleaming affront to these once gritty streets: two monoliths that have risen outside of the Bedford stop. We’re not sure when exactly they materialized, but no doubt Lygeti’s “Requiem for Soprano” was playing as European tourists beat their chests and bellowed, “Brooklyn Bowl!”
The WalkNYC wayfinders are meant to be helpful, but they mostly just lists schools and churches instead of, like, telling you how to get back to Union Pool after you left your credit card there. They’re really just sticks of trash you’re going to bump into as you catch up on Instagram on the way out of the subway. As if the mom fighting to strap little Hollister into his Bugaboo while he screams for artisan ice cream and the guy handing out free issues of Timeout weren’t obstacles enough.
But hey, at least we don’t have to carry our J.Crew map of Williamsburg around anymore.
The real question is whether — and when and how — these imposing slabs will be defaced. Will the last of Williamsburg’s masking-tape artists mournfully etch the former locations of Stinger Club and Luxx into the map, using a key he hasn’t lifted to his nose since Kokie’s? Or will the monoliths stay unblemished, serving as makeshift mirrors for those who’ve just gotten a makeover at the Sephora* concept store?
Or are these ominous slates something altogether different — perhaps an interdimensional portal into Planet Thailand?
*There is not a Sephora coming to Williamsburg, that I know of.