(Photo by Daniel Maurer)

(Photo by Daniel Maurer)

We all remember Dan Perino, aka Looking for a Girlfriend guy and his abundant flyers around the East Village, don’t we? (At least, we hope you didn’t forget his speed dating escapades at our B+B Bazaar last year.) Well, he’s kind of pulled back on his flyers as of late, and his bid for a reality show seems either stalled or forgotten. Could it be that Perino’s quest for the perfect child-bearing-aged match is complete? (After all, he claims of hundreds of dates to his name.)

It’s not just intuition that tells us the answer is ‘no,’ actually we’ve gleaned this intel from Perino’s latest effort, which we guess you could call a tour venture of sorts: that is, a tour of his life.

For the past month, Perino has been using Periscope to live film his days spent embarking on unfiltered tours of different New York neighborhoods, a little something we’d like to call Perino-Scoping. One of his specialties is doing variations on “Times Square in the dark” which has drawn 1,300 live viewers. (If you miss a live-streaming eppy, you can always tune in later over at the archives.)

This isn’t exactly a slicked down, reality-show audition reel like the Bedford Stop. Rather, it’s straight-up, in the raw Perino-POV, mainly told through streams of consciousness about his favorite pursuits: artwork, girls, and himself. He averages three or more posts on a typical day and he often invites his viewers to vote on what he’s going to do next – a sort of choose-your-own-adventure for a cringe-worthy display of what complete lack of self-awareness looks like.

The videos span a wide range of randomness. Some could be construed as innocuously goofy: “Let’s take a walk through Harlem and look for street art.” Aww, that sounds like a nice date. In the vid “a joke” he lends some rather odd advice: “It’s the 30-day beer diet, in which you drink for 30 days straight without eating anything and lose 30 pounds and then check yourself into a rehab center. Heh. Alright, see you all guys later.” LOL.

Others are bit more bizarre: “I am going to drink from a toilet boal [sic] dressed as a woman. Don’t try this at home,” for example. Then there are the legit worrisome categories: “A girl showing off her boobs” and “let’s get naughty” both had me worried. (Oh phew, it’s just Perino stuffing his bra and dancing around – er, click away if that’s your thing.)

The video “Interviewing women on the street” begins with a view of a pile of fallen leaves and Perino’s wavering voice. “I’m in the woods, er, coming out of the woods, looking to interview women,” he says. Shiver. 

He spends that 35-minute clip taking street harassment to a whole new level. Great, so now our awkward encounters with creepy men we don’t want to talk to are liable to be filmed for the whole world? (There were only four live viewers egging Perino on, but it’s online forever, so there’s that.) After one woman rejects him, he mutters under his breath, “fuck ’em, fuck ’em,” then promptly lowers his standards, spying a postal service truck nearby. “Maybe I can interview a mailman,” he says brightly.

And lucky for him (unlucky for her), the mailman is actually a mailwoman. When he asks to interview her, she looks mildly alarmed but keeps her New York-cool. “Why?” she asks, smoking a cigarette. “Because I told my fans I would interview a girl, a woman,” he responds. “I don’t have time for that,” she snaps, turning away. Game over. Another woman flees after Perino shoves the camera towards her and tells her, “You only have to say hello!” 

Later he laments the difficult dating scene in New York: “I want a relationship! I don’t just want to have sex and leave.” We hear ya, Tinder sucks, no one wants to cuddle anymore, blahblahblah – but smh Perino, this is not the way.

Another video is indisputably racist and maybe the most cringe-worthy of the bunch. Though tbh, we’d have to sit through a few days-worth of of video streams to be absolutely sure this is the worst of the worst. Perino withdraws $100 cash and walks around Harlem to tempt the supposedly-ubiquitous robbers. “You’ll see what I mean. The hoodlums all hang out by that bank. It’s a Chase bank,” he says as he nears. The suspense!

But shock and awe, Perino doesn’t get robbed on camera (even if that’s what we’re all rooting for when we see someone make like Perino and carry a smartphone around in front of their face like a clueless tourist). He shuffles around for half-an-hour making thinly-veiled racist comments to make the neighborhood sound like tough shit: “There’s the Apollo Theater here, but it’s kinda dangerous.” Or, “I heard two shots just the other day.”

But hey, if you’re mesmerized by the inner monologue of a serial-girlfriend-searcher (or the equivalent of watching car accidents over and over again), there’s no shame in wasting away a few minutes in watching Perino’s twisted videos. And lucky for you, Perino’s started a seminar tour too – who knows where this could end? We wouldn’t be surprised to find by this time next year that Perino’s leading a TED Talk. Per his website:

After having done many interviews (check out my news page), I still feel as though I have not been accurately portrayed by the various outlets of media. So, I’m making the official announcement. I will be giving various seminars throughout New York City to convey my story in the most unadulterated, and intimate context with the hopes of inspiring the world.

We are very sorry we missed the chance to review the first seminar last month at Karma in the East Village, though at $25 a ticket it wasn’t exactly easy on the wallet. (Admission did include free Dan Perino t-shirts, valued at a whopping $10.) While waiting with bated breath for the next seminar appearance, you can follow along and hear snippets Perino’s speech on his Periscope archive. Into the wormhole you go… but don’t say we didn’t warn you.