11081195_590080871094591_8503587807180071635_n Making a weekend show list was insanely easy this time around because there are an outrageous number of amazing happenings stuffed into a tiny slice of time, so choose wisely guys. Take your pick from surprises, standbys, newish venus, and secret locations. Believe it or not, it’s all happening within the next 48 hours.

Speaking of believing, you should probably, definitely hit David Blaine’s The Steakhouse– a newish DIY spot in where else? Bushwick. We’ve been in touch with the management over there and after this weekend will hopefully have a better idea of what kind of magic tricks we’re dealing with and whether or not this spot will reign as Bushwick’s most exciting steak dining destination. They’ve got a great deal of stiff competition.

And on that clandestine operations tip, there’s a rock-music show happening at a super exciting, super secret location on the Lower East Side. Like we said before: there’s too much fun happening this weekend– so strap on your adventure suit, plop in those ear plugs, and hit the streets.

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Club Butt: Harry & JPEG, Bottoms 

There’s no doubt this weekend’s Bottoms show is gonna make for a sick party, and not just for all the weird parlor tricks Butt magazine is pulling out of their, well, butts for this get-down. We found out during our hangout sesh with Bottoms, the fabulous queer electro-punk band known for their raucous, confrontation performances, that this is the band’s last show at their home base, Secret Project Robot, before they take off on a European tour. So we’re sure they’re going to take this as a golden opportunity to bust out their best.

Harry & JPEG of Men’s Room Chicago will provide a nice contrast with a “5+ hour set of pounding Chicago house.” Just be careful not to gyrate your entire butt away. Saturday April 4th, 10 pm @ Secret Project Robot: $15 

Weed, Burn’t, Big Huge, Mother Tongue

Tour slugs rolling in for this show are the boys of Weed, a slack gaze band from British Columbia (that’s in Canada, guys). We definitely approve of their rainy demeanor– perfect stuff for this time of year. Look outside. Hope is not what you feel right now. Similarly dour vibes will be brought directly to you by Mother Tongue though the sludge is a bit thicker here. “I see no reason to hold a grudge,” indeed.

Then we’ve got Burn’t, a band we know nothing about. The Steakhouse management describes the band as: “A mystery. Truly a secret wrapped in an enigma.” We’re rubbing our hands together with anticipatory glee. But whereas who knows what we’ll get with Burn’t, we know exactly what to expect from Big Huge, a slip-dippery, ultra-hyper guitar shredding garage pop outfit straight outta our beloved home city. Friday, April 3, 7:30 pm @ David Blaine’s The Steakhouse: $5

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Marching Church, Drew McDowall, Copley Medal

We absolutely love surprises and that’s why you can catch us standing on the corner of Delancey and Orchard this evening awkwardly checking our phones, waiting for what we assure you are absolutely dozens of our closest friends who have been trying all day to get ahold of us but who seem to just be stuck on the train or something, the only explanation for their tardiness. But even if we do have to go this one alone, we’d brave the painful humiliation of appearing to be friendless in order to catch this super group, Marching Church, which sounds a little something like Marc Bolan and Jonathan Richman had a baby and handed it a saxophone.

Bender Rønnenfelt of Iceage is the main dude behind this solo project, but to record New Brigade he enlisted the help of some other amazing music men and women including Frederikke Hoffmeier of Puce Mary. Joining him on this fine evening will be Alex of Dirty Beaches (!) and members of Lower and Hand of Dust. Hell yeah.

Also catch Drew McDowall, the Scottish gentleman musician as heard in Coil and Psychic TV, and Copley Medal, a spooky drone project. Friday April 3rd, 8 pm @ NE Corner of Delancey and Orchard: $10 in advance/ $12 at the door

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Violent Reaction, La Misma, Arms Race, Headhunters, Standoff 

Trying to kick the bottle are we? Well if that’s your scene, bub, first of all good luck ha and second of all seriously, you might need some help. Thankfully some straight edge UK bands are rolling into town to help set you, well, straight. If our wet brains don’t deceive us, we’re pretty sure the Acheron serves booze. But if you’re going to imbibe, it’s perhaps best to either bring a coozie (because those 100 percent cover up what you’re doing) or a styrofoam cup (that’s how they do in New Orleans, y’all) because Violent Reaction will absolutely smash that can out of your paws if they catch you slippin’ on the loose juice.

Even if VR don’t getcha first, La Misma absolutely will with their brat-punk hardcore nonsense. And because this is mostly hardcore the lineup has a long list of 30-second-or-so shredders including Arms Race (UK), Headhunters (NYC), and Standoff. Friday, April 3, 8 pm @ the Acheron: $10