Consider this your last chance to get creepy for a good long while because Friday the 13th ain’t happening again until November kids, which means (depending on your persuasion) we’ll be facing eight straight months of horrible luck. If you’re more inclined to associate Friday the 13th with Jason or unfortunate circumstances then, by all means, stay inside your depressing apartment and order delivery tacos. We’re guessing you’re also the type of person who would blame the forces of evil for finding you’ve received soggy tacos— the horror! Like, how else could that happen? Mayonnaise just doesn’t move itself. But hey, if you’re not a turd, check out our list of fun ways to celebrate this lucky day.
Hey it’s Friday the 13th, which means it’s time to prepare your virgin skin for cheap tattoos. Gnostic is hooking it up for just $13 (plus the requisite lucky $7 tip) for your pick of Friday the 13th flash, starting at noon. They operate on a first come first serve basis. The lines have been long in the past, but if you get their early it’s likely you’ll have a chance at getting stabbed repeatedly with a needle. Black and gray only, y’all. Just be prepared to have dozens of tat twins around town if you pick the dagger. Noon to 8 pm @ Gnostic Tattoo, 1089 Flushing Avenue (Bushwick)
Same deal as above– get a spooky baby tat for just $20 (or slightly more, if you want to make friends). But Daredevil has a bit of a surprise in store, and let’s be real, surprises rule! Especially when it comes to permanent ink on your body! The shop guy suggests you get there a little before noon, that’s when Daredevil will start taking names and assigning numbers. Choose your design from a flash sheet the artists will post in the window day-of. Noon to 8 pm @ Daredevil Tattoo, 141 Division Street (Lower East Side)
Usually a noise bash recalls visions of a venue jam-packed with synths, mixers, various cables, and fans apparently without access to showers who prefer burrowing deep inside their hoodies to proving they aren’t paralyzed. But this is Friday the 13th after all, so expect the unexpected. As far as I can tell, none of these acts are “noise” in the traditional sense. Though they all certainly do make noise, if not supersonic discord worthy of pants wetting. It’s cool though, that just means you won’t have to bring an extra pair of underwear to this “noise show.” But don’t worry, The Wendigo will still spook you into thinking you’ve stumbled upon a seance in some mossy patch of woods. 8 pm @ Kings County Saloon, 1 Knickerbocker Avenue, Bushwick ($5)
So this isn’t exactly Friday the 13th-themed, but seriously– space is pretty freaking creepy if you think about it. Just, please don’t think about it too hard when you’re alone, you’ll most certainly come to the realization you’re one speck of minutiae in a vast universe that knows nothing of you now and never will. This can and will result in a dangerously potent existential crisis. That’s why there are events like the Outer Space Party at Silent Barn, so we can contemplate Black Holes, Red Giants, and the time-space continuum, in the company of friends. Experts will also be on hand to guide you on this perilous journey and help you avoid slipping into madness.
Adrian Price-Whelan of Columbia University, who specializes in tidal streams and Galactic dynamics (whoa), will share his knowledge on galaxies and dark matter. Author Pepper Laramie will read from her very own space erotica work– which isn’t as strange as you might think. Really, outer space is sort of a natural setting for pulpy sex yarns, after all science fiction is full of buxom broads and latex. There will be tons of space related artwork to stare into as if the void, bands that agree with the notion that “space is the place,” tarot readings, a green screen photo booth featuring, you guessed it, galactic spacescapes, and cocktails inspired by astrophysics, extraterrestrials, and space travel. 8 pm at Silent Barn, 603 Bushwick Avenue, Bushwick ($10)
This is Detective Olivia Benson’s Troll and tbh it actually sort of kicks Troll’s ass when it comes to vile animatronic creatures. These dudes are much, much slimier, hairier, and just overall awful to look at. Better yet, Ghoulies has some uber ’80s yuppie fashion that will make you want to rip your eyes out. A spooky-terrrible film is the perfect night cap to a Friday the 13th so you can settle in for LOL dreams and not actually horrifying nightmares. Midnight @ Nitehawk Cinema, 136 Metropolitan Avenue, Williamsburg ($11)
Yeah, yeah this Satanic mass isn’t happening on actual Friday the 13th, but for some people every day is Friday the 13th— count among them JJ Brine, founder of Vectorianism and possibly Lucifer incarnate but, like, still somehow a totally nice guy. Be sure to freshen up on the rules of engagement before stepping into the Satanic gallery, including what you’re risking by venturing into JJ’s back room. The mass will no doubt make for some great people watching so brown bag it and hope that Amanda Bynes shows up. Saturday March 14th 8:08 pm @ Vector Gallery, 154 East Broadway, Lower East Side (FREE)