Boy oh boy this weekend’s gonna be a wild one. There’s a lot of dark energy floating around right now. People have reached their breaking point with winter and it’s hard not to feel like something’s bound to give at any moment. Call me a truther, but I feel like ISIS might have something to do with this one. I mean they’re definitely the people behind “the dress,” am I right? Something so dull and inconsequential was the perfect way to distract people from the realities of war and global distress. Is that a glowing revelation for you or what? Well, sorry about that– but we suggest you banish your fear and channel all anxiety and doom into bobbing your head or grinding at any one of these rad shows. We promise you Suicide and Pharmakon will invoke way realer terror than “the dress.”

Suicide, Pharmakon, the Vacant Lots
Me personally and this guy I know have been looking forward to this particular show for, like, months. I have no idea what to expect from Martin Rev and Alan Vega, but it can’t not be wild. See above video. These guys were the masters at freaking people out back in the day, the Lenny Bruces of music. And pairing them with Pharmakon is nothing short of brilliant– another unsettling act. The last time I saw her perform at Saint Vitus, the crowd was positively stunned. I’ve never seen a group of people so uniformly entranced by a musician. Be prepared for Pharmakon’s intense act– it’s one part performance art, two parts noise, and three parts sheer terror.

The Vacant Lots have hopped on the synth punk bandwagon. With stoned-as-F vocals, garage guitars, they’ve got one foot in the ’60s and another in the ’80s, which is a nice relief from the the solidly ’80s revival bands we’ve been hearing as of late. I thought I heard some Brian Jonestown Massacre in here and low and behold the junky prince Anton Newcombe himself (uh, as well as Alan Vega) has collaborated with these dudes on remixes. If you can make it to just one show this weekend, this has got to be it. Saturday March 7th, 8:30 pm at Webster Hall, tickets: $25

Of Montreal 
Sighhhh college. One particular time period really stands out– Skeletal Lamping had recently come out, and Hissing Fauna and Satanic Panic were still in my heavy rotation piles. Those albums became the soundtrack to one seriously degenerate summer spent living in a co-op, harassing the dental frat boys next door between hefty doses of psychedelics, 30-packs of PBR, and/or bottles of Andre, building a living room fort that eventually acquired the putrid stank of sweaty, drunk bodies but still stood the entire summer, and leaving the house under my leadership as Food Steward to rot, eventually becoming a crash pad for crust punks, wayward neo-hippies, nesting maggots, and other unsavories.

Scary? Liberating? That’s exactly what I see when I close my eyes and listen to Of Montreal– total abandon and frolicking madness that belied lingering post-adolescent, hormone-fueled emotional volatility. Growing up is hard to do and life is less crazy now, but I can always relive that terrifying time if I throw on a Kevin Barnes record. Wednesday, March 11, 9pm at Webster Hall, tickets: $22

Palm, Palberta, Turnip King, The Cradle
This evening’s lineup is showcasing an enormous amount of female talent, which is always cool to see in rock music particularly of the fuzzier variety. Smash the patriarchy, etc. I’m a big fan of Palberta’s plucky, off-kilter noise punk. Palm brings a more finely crafted sensibility if structure is your thing or whatever, but their strength lies in their vacillation between proggy tears and sobby, earnest entreaties. You’ll see.

Turnip King also has that virtuoso sort of thing going on. Wait sorry, I think I’ve just gotten to a point where anyone who knows how to play their instrument is a virtuoso in my book, I listen to a lot of punk so bear with me here–their bassist is sick. Throw in some dreamy vocals and be carried away to a better place than this piss world. Friday, March 6, 8pm at Palisades, tickets: $5

Honduras, the Yin Yangs, Secret Crush, Granny, and Mark Perro & Holly Overton
Aviv is so hot right now and what better time to go check the place out if you haven’t been before (we highly recommend you try the fine champagne they have on offer) than tomorrow night when a bunch of fun local-ish rock bands will tear shit up. Oh wait, that’s like almost every weekend. But whatever just go. Catchy, noisy pop punk tunes will be provided thanks to Honduras.

The Yin Yangs have been doing their thing about town and bringing some (much needed) variety-flavored spice to good old fashioned (great but usually all the same) garage rock. Blame it on Ty Segall and whoever fed that man so many cupcakes and rubbed his back while he banged out 10 million songs that all sound the same and spawned a banal-garage revolution. Not to say his stuff ain’t tasty, but it’s nice to see something a little different ya know? Yin Yangs are clearly influenced by grunge (Nirvana?) and singing underwater sea monsters. Good stuff.

Granny aka Leslie Hong may or may not have progeria, but she can definitely write some soulful bedroom punk tunes. I hesitate to call anything cute, but Granny is freaking cute, OK? Not twee cute (ew) just cute cute. Deal. Saturday March 7, 8pm at Aviv, tickets $8 at the door