NYCS-BOOTYBummed you didn’t win the Smallest Penis contest last month? Maybe you can twerk your way to victory this weekend. Taking a cue from Nicki Minaj, the Chocolate Sundays crew is having its first official twerk competition this weekend at The Flat in Bushwick.

We’re not sure how ratchet things will get Sunday night (if we’re even allowed to use that word to describe stuff), but the Ninjasonik-hosted party has been packed since founder Joel Meinholz brought it from Miami to Brooklyn. So what will Brooklyn’s best twerker receive? According to the animated-gif flyer, the prize money is $100 — enough to buy you and your friends enough shots to forget you won a twerking competition.

If you’re not quite that turn’t up, opt for a softer-core party this Saturday in the basement of L’isola, where Burgers, Beats and Burlesque will premiere. Yep, you heard right: burgers and burlesque.

Chef Andrew Zurica has been hosting pop-up burger events ever since his Mill Basin Luncheonette suffered a premature demise at the hands of Hurricane Sandy; from 7 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. Saturday, he’ll be stationed in front of his sizzlin’ hot pan, serving highly lauded burgers made with bacon, onions sauteed in butter, and a custom roll from Moretti Bakery.

Bettina May in classic burlesque garb (Photo: Anna Fischer)

Bettina May in classic burlesque garb (Photo: Anna Fischer)

Zurica says he encouraged one of his old customers at Luncheonette, renowned burlesque performer Helen Pontani, to produce the apres burger portion of the evening, starting at 10 p.m. and featuring the beats of  DJ Lemar Soulflower. That’s when you’ll be ravished by the talents of Bettina May, a Canadian who says she’s the very first person to receive a green card as a burlesque performer.

Technically, says May, her card reads “Alien of Extraordinary Ability,” though in actuality her act harkens back to “classic burlesque, inspired by the 30s, 40s and 50s,” complete with “elegant” and “glamorous” costumes. “It’s sultry striptease that leaves something to the imagination and always leaves you wanting something more,” she says.

So, nothing like a twerking contest.

Of course, if neither of these options are quite titillating enough, there’s always Pumps. Stay classy, Brooklyn.